Recently, I sat alone in my church pew and longed to be married. My long-sleeved dress, fleece-lined tights, and high boots were not enough to keep me warm during the evening service. I rubbed my arms vigorously and wondered if it would be inappropriate to lift my long coat from my lap up over my arms so that my coat would become a complete blanket.
I already felt a heightened longing for marriage that night, and so I wished I had a husband beside me who would sit close, drape his arm on the pew behind me, and warm me a bit. Solomon’s question from Ecclesiastes came to mind: “How can one be warm alone?” (Ecclesiastes 4:11 {KJV}).
The Blessings of Solitude
A little over a year ago, God led me to move from my balcony seat to the main-floor-fourth-row pew. Each Sunday morning and Sunday night, I sit front and center in the service. Usually, my housemate shares my church pew with me once she finishes singing with the choir. If she is going to be out of town or helping in the nursery, she lets me know—rather apologetically—that she will not be sitting with me for a service. This was such a night.
Usually, I enjoy sitting in solitude during the service. As an introvert, being alone does not mean that I feel lonely. The solitude often frees me to worship God and sense a deeper connection to Him.
I pray during the piano’s prelude. During congregational singing, I sing out without worrying too much when I hit the wrong alto notes. I close my eyes and envision God on His throne. On this particular night, I nearly pressed my hand to my heart during one congregational song as I begged Him to truly be Lord of my life.
During such times, I sense the congregation around me and join in corporate worship while focusing my heart on God alone.
The Struggles of Solitude
Yet there are days when solitude is more difficult—when I miss having a spouse beside me. Easter always hits hard as I see families gather for pictures. It makes me miss my parents and sister while also sensing the absence of a husband and children of my own. Sometimes when families are called to go to the altar to pray together, I wish for a husband to be praying with and children to be praying for.
During such times, I often pray for my future husband. I pray that God will bless his ministry, encourage him, and strengthen him to withstand temptation. I imagine him in a service such as I am in, perhaps feeling a little the way that I do. Once, I imagined him kneeling beside me, praying over our family. Sometimes, the impression is strong that my future husband is out there, serving the Lord as I am. It seems only a matter of God’s timing for us to meet and begin a life of service together.
Other times, such as the cold night when I longed for a husband, I could not envision ever marrying. The vision—the hope—was gone.
God’s Word to Me
That night, the visiting preacher opened God’s Word and had us stand for the reading of Isaiah 62. I stood rather awkwardly with empty hands, for I had forgotten my Bible in my rush to take Christmas decorations to the school before the service. I did not want to use a Bible app on my phone for fear of distractions popping up.
So I stood quietly listening, and God spoke:
“Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken; neither shall thy land any more be termed Desolate: but thou shalt be called Hephzibah, and thy land Beulah: for the LORD delighteth in thee. . . . As the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee.” (Isaiah 62:4–6 {KJV})
The words beat against my chest, and I nearly gasped. Tears welled behind my eyes.
I was not forsaken. God was with me.
I was not desolate without children—I would bear spiritual fruit.
I was called Hephzibah—“my delight is in her.”God delighted in me. God rejoiced over me as a bridegroom rejoiced over his bride. He, after all, was my true husband.
I bowed my head. Thank you, Lord.
The preacher began explaining that these verses were talking about Jerusalem. And yet, I knew that God meant these verses for me. They were His words of comfort and promise. It was not a promise that I would marry and have physical children. It was a promise that God loved me, rejoiced over me, cared for me, and would bring forth fruit in my life.
God’s Word to You
I do not know what longing weighs on your heart today. I do not know what trial you face that threatens to leave you cold and desolate. Yet I know that God delights in you. That He has a plan for you. That He loves you infinitely more than you can comprehend.
You are not alone.
Remember,
“The LORD delighteth in thee” (Isaiah 62:4 {KJV}).
On the coldest and darkest days, may that thought—that truth—warm our hearts.
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Beautiful message – thank you!
Thank you! 🙂