Every year, Mother’s Day makes me panic. Mother’s Day of 2024 was no different.
The first time my desire for marriage and children interfered with my Mother’s Day celebration was in 2021. Although I am blessed to still have my mother around to celebrate on this special day, something shifted as I approached thirty. Instead of completely focusing on my mom, I began mourning that I was not a mother myself. On Mother’s Day, I began avoiding Facebook and wondering how I would make it through the morning church service.
My second year in Cleveland, I began dreading Mother’s Day two weeks before it came. The year before, I had been working with teenagers during the morning service. So I avoided the entire production that included recognizing mothers in the congregation, celebrating the church’s “Mother of the Year,” and being passed by for gifts. But the second year, the Lord had shifted my ministries so that I was no longer in the teenagers’ service.
Instead, I would be sitting in my usual Sunday-morning spot on the fourth row of the sanctuary. I would literally have a front-row seat to the entire celebration of motherhood.
Avoidance of Pain
I desperately tried to find a way out of it. Friends suggested finding a mother who served in a children’s ministry. Perhaps I could assist with the children so a mother could attend the service. Although this was a wonderful idea, I simply did not know enough mothers in the church to find someone to even ask.
Maybe I shouldn’t go at all, I thought. I can stay home this once, read my Bible, and have quiet time with the Lord. Do I really have to torture myself and risk stirring up discontentment?
Yet as the day drew nearer, I found myself teaching my middle school students about doing hard things and not backing down because we fear pain. As I taught these things, the Lord convicted me. Perhaps this time, He wanted me to go and sit through that service despite the pain I feared.
God’s Voice of Care
The day came. I got up, put on my Sunday best, and made my way to my regular pew. To open the service, our assistant pastor greeted the congregation and invited us to stand as he read a passage from God’s Word.
“Turn with me to Proverbs 31,” he said.
Oh boy, the passage on the virtuous woman, I thought. Brace yourself. It’s going to talk about marriage.
I began following along in my own Bible as the assistant pastor began reading Proverbs 31:10 aloud:
“Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.”
My heart softened a little. This was a verse God had used to encourage me before. I was not a perfect woman. But God had imparted His virtue to me when I trusted Him as my Savior from sin. Then, I tried to serve Him with my life. God placed a high value upon me.
The reading continued,
“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.”
My chest constricted. No, no, no. Here we go. Verses about married women. I’m not married. I don’t know if I can handle this.
Then, God’s still small voice broke through my panic.
“Carmen, what have you been writing about for a whole year? Haven’t you been writing about God being your husband? Remember, ‘Thy Maker is thine husband’ (Isaiah 54:5). I am your husband. I have entrusted you with things in your home to care for. I have entrusted you with responsibilities as a teacher and a writer. I trust you.”
Tears welled in my eyes as the passage went on.
“She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”
Oh Lord, am I doing You good all the days of my life? Help me to do that. I caught up in verse twenty-three:
“Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.”
My husband is Jesus. His name is known all over the world.
Verse twenty-six convicted me:
“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”
A fellow teacher’s encouragement wafted through my mind: “You have such wisdom. You are good at bringing out what the Bible says to the students.”
I closed my eyes and prayed, Lord, help me to speak with kindness. It’s so hard when teaching middle schoolers sometimes. I feel like I just snap at them.
We were reaching the end of the passage.
“Her children rise up, and call her blessed . . .”
“Yes,” God seemed to whisper. “Not all your students love you—some of them do not even like you. But some of them do bless you. Some of them love you because you love Me.”
“Her husband also, and he praiseth her. . . . a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised” (Proverbs 31:28, 30).
“I praise you,” God–my husband–said through His Word. “You fear Me. And I praise you.”
The tears streamed down my cheeks, and I wiped some of them away as I bowed my head for prayer with the rest of the congregation.
Thank you, Lord, I prayed. Thank you for this. I have never seen this passage this way before. I have never read it seeing You as my husband. Thank you that on this hard day when it seemed as if nothing would apply to me, You have given me this encouragement. I praise You, Lord.
God’s Love for You
I do not know what heartache you may face this coming weekend. Perhaps your mother is no longer here on earth to celebrate with. Perhaps you never had a loving mother in your life. Maybe you are a mother who has lost children or has been estranged from them. Maybe, like me, you long to be a mother yourself.
Although this weekend can be a great celebration of motherhood, it can also be a weekend of pain. My prayer this weekend is that in the middle of potential heartache, you find comfort and solace in the Savior. No matter our circumstances, our loving God is quietly there to meet, love, and support each one of us.
“I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings thou shalt trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.” –Psalm 91:2
May this reflection on Psalm 91, written and performed by my grandpa Allen W. Pruitt, be a blessing to you.
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During 6 years of infertility and then the loss of 2 babies, I agonized about going to church on Mother’s Day. Our churches need to be more proactive to honor all women, especially those – like you – who nurture and disciple spiritual children. My current church honors the graduates on Mother’s Day. That allows mothers to be proud of their kids and those who have no birth children – to share in the celebration w/o additional grief.
That’s a lovely thought to recognize graduates on Mother’s Day. It is definitely a lot to navigate for churches. Mother’s Day is a big opportunity to share the Gospel and connect with those who do not typically attend church. But it is also difficult for so many. My current church does recognize and give carnations to all those who have lost a mother. So it recognizes that form of grief. My parents’ church in Missouri gives a gift to all women 18 and up, saying that it is for mothers and mother-figures. And in that way, they celebrate all women and ease the pain as much as possible.