When I moved to Cleveland, I experienced a bit of culture shock. Back home, my dad, who was also my pastor, never pressured singles about marriage. Among church members, there was little to no discussion regarding who should pair up with whom.
My parents hold this philosophy on singleness: You just serve the Lord. In God’s timing and in God’s way, He will bring you someone to marry. And it will be at such a time when you can serve the Lord better together than apart.
But on my first day in Cleveland, someone suggested I might find a husband here at this new church. On the first day of school, a student questioned me rapid-fire: “Are you married? Are you engaged? Are you dating? Do you want to get married?” Comments from preachers and teachers about marriage and how wonderful it is to have children were common.
Soon, I experienced mounting discouragement and discontentment with my relationship status. Then I mentally kicked myself. I was doing the job I loved to do and had longed to do. The Lord gave me the perfect apartment to transform into a home. He was providing for me in a special way. I had great Christian friends in my church and a wonderful family supporting me. Why was I discontent?
Choosing to Meditate on Blessings
Finally, I realized I needed to make a choice—to decide to enjoy singleness. Satan was plaguing me with lies, and I needed to speak the truth. On New Year’s Day of 2023, I wrote out a list of every benefit of singleness I could think of. I wanted a list I could pull out and read over to remind myself of the blessings of singleness when discouragement threatened. Some of my list follows:
- I demonstrate Christ’s sufficiency.
- I get to experience God as my husband.
- I get to experience special blessings and gifts from the Lord.
- I have the freedom to do the work God has designed me to do.
- I have the freedom to use my money as I want to, under the Lord’s guidance.
- I can cook what I enjoy eating.
- I can play whatever music I like, whenever I want.
- I can decorate to please the Lord and myself.
- I can make my home feminine.
- I can set the room temperature how I want.
By the time I finished, I had written down approximately twenty blessings and benefits to appreciate and enjoy.
Extending the List
A couple months later, I traveled down to the Ark Encounter in Kentucky to help at a conference for moms and daughters. As I talked with ladies at one of the book tables, a mom who had come with her daughters greatly encouraged me. We talked about singleness. She met her husband when she was thirty-three. Although she had faced criticism for being too picky, she was glad she waited for the man God chose for her to marry.
As we talked, I told her about the list of benefits and blessings I made in January. She looked me in the eye and said passionately, “You keep that list. When you get married, pull it back out and add things to it.” Of course, she loved being a wife and mom. But once she was married, her eyes were opened to some of the opportunities and blessings she enjoyed during her season of singleness.
So make a list. Check it twice. When you are feeling discouraged, pull it out and read over it. Think of more things to add to it. When you are tired and in the middle of cooking supper, remember to be glad that you can cook whatever you like. When you are feeling down and decide to blast music in your car or apartment, remember to be thankful you can play your choice of music without disturbing anyone else. When you want to get up early to read your Bible or exercise, be glad you do not have to worry if you are going to wake up the whole house. Counting our blessings is a fundamental way to enjoy God’s plan for us today.
The Greatest Blessing
Maybe you are not struggling with discouragement over singleness. Maybe you are struggling in your job, in your marriage, in your parenting, in your friendships, or in your finances. Whatever the case, the solution is the same. We look to Jesus—our greatest blessing. Our Savior. Our Redeemer. Our Friend. Our Comforter. Our Strength. Our Hope. Our Refuge. All the little blessings on earth merely point us to the source of all things good in our life. After all, “every good and perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights” (James 1:7 {KJV]).
This week, let us meditate on the blessings God gives us in every season, and let us praise the One from whom all blessings flow.
Do you have a blessing of singleness to add to my list? Share those blessings in the comments below!
Know someone else who could use this encouragement? Share this post with them.
Find more tips for enjoying singleness in Chapter 14 of my book Opening the Hope Chest: A Single Girl’s Guide to Homemaking.
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#10 – Room Temperature is a big one ! Gratitude lists are always beneficial, no matter what status we live in. Thanks for the reminder.
Yes! I tend to be cold, and so I like to blast the heat! When I lived by myself in an apartment, I liked being able to keep my place warm without affecting anyone else. 🙂 And yes, counting our blessings is a wonderful way to meditate on true, pure, lovely things.