Resurrection Sunday is a day of hope.
We celebrate Jesus’s triumph over death, hell, and the grave. We celebrate our salvation. We sing songs. We hear preaching. We watch kids participate in candy scrambles or egg hunts. Families dress in their very best—bonus if they all match. Families gather to attend a church service and have dinner. It’s the perfect opportunity for family photos.
Well, at least for some.
As a single woman who lives many miles away from family, Resurrection Sunday makes me a little self-conscious and sad since I cannot participate in a family photo on this special day.
But my pang of sadness does not compare to the deeper pain of others across the United States. Although I am physically separated from my family, I still have a deep, loving relationship with them. But while surveying a congregation of hundreds of people, I wonder how many are experiencing the pain of estrangement from family on this special day?
THE CHALLENGE OF LOSS
In our sin-cursed world, families often become fractured. The picture-perfect family does not exist. One thing I have learned throughout life is this: everyone has a story.
We may look at someone and think he (or she) has a perfect family or upbringing, but he does not. Death has claimed a family member. Divorce or abandonment has left its scar. Anger smolders beneath the foundation of the home and within its walls. A child sparks a rebellion that devastates his parents. Sometimes, these griefs are buried deep—hidden from a world that may judge the family harshly.
Yes, familial relationships can easily be interrupted and destroyed, causing increasing loneliness and isolation.
In the United States, estrangement from family members is widespread. In a survey conducted by Karl Pillemer, author of Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them, Pillemer found that 27% of Americans surveyed are estranged from a family member.[1]
From that number, Pillemer extrapolates that 67 million people in the U.S. are thus experiencing some form of estrangement.[2] Ten percent of those experiencing estrangement were estranged from a parent or child.[3]
Is it any wonder, then, that loneliness is an increasing issue? What do we do about it?
GRACE FOR THE ESTRANGED
There are times when estrangement occurs because of divorce in the family, abandonment, abuse, alcoholism, or drug use. Some are without family because death, drug use, or other circumstances separated them from their parents at an extremely young age. Because of circumstances beyond your control, you may be without a physical family.
In other cases, there are situations in which severing ties with an abusive family member is necessary. I would never encourage people to continue an abusive relationship or seek a relationship with a parent who abandoned them. There are also times that a family member abandons the family’s values and chooses to estrange themselves because of their life choices. This is always a hurtful experience, and we are often powerless to change the situation.
In such cases, God gives a special grace. That is when we claim the truth that “God setteth the solitary in families” (Psalm 68:6). God may provide a grandparent, foster parent, stepparent, uncle, aunt, mentor, young adult, or someone else who opens their arms to the estranged.
The estranged are enfolded into the loving arms of those whose hearts God has opened. God often fulfills His promise to be a father to the fatherless through the caring and generosity of His people. What a special grace and provision!
GRACE FOR THE IMPERFECT
Although we are sometimes powerless in maintaining connections with family, there is an alarming growth of unnecessary estrangements. Today, there is a rising trend in the United States in which children are severing relationships with their parents because they are not handling conflict or disappointment biblically. As children grow into young adults, some do not know how to process childhood hurts or navigate current conflicts over boundaries in their relationships. This can lead adult children to sever relationships with family members instead of seeking to resolve issues. Psychoanalyst Galit Atlas observes,
“Far more often, what I see in my practice are cases of family conflict mismanaged, power dynamics inverted rather than negotiated. I see the shattering effect of that trend: scenarios with no winners, only isolated humans who long to be known and feel safe in the presence of the other.“[4]
Here, Atlas—a secular psychoanalyst—acknowledges that the majority of estrangements she deals with are simply cases of mishandled conflicts.
At times, grown children want to change the power dynamics by using their relationship to “get back at” family members for real or perceived wrongs. Atlas sees the results of these estrangements: not the promised happiness, but isolation all around.
According to Avrum Weiss’s article in Psychology Today, many Millennial parents avoided conflict with their young children out of fear of losing them. In doing so, their children never learned how to handle disappointment and conflict within the family relationship. Weiss states,
“Because of their parents’ conflict-avoidant style, the children of Millennial parents have fewer opportunities to experience the kind of anger and disappointment with their parents that psychologists tell us is an important part of learning about healthy conflict resolution.“[5]
According to Weiss, experiencing anger and disappointment with parents is a natural part of the human experience. Parents are imperfect people trying to figure out how to parent well. They are given a great, terrifying responsibility. At times, they are going to fail. If they are consistently seeking the Lord, they will recognize their failings at times and humbly apologize. It is our responsibility to practice grace toward family members who are imperfect but are sincerely trying to do right by us. We cannot allow hurt to cause us to shut down and withdraw into perpetual isolation.
GRACE FOR RECONCILIATION
Instead of severing ties with family as numerous online forums recommend, Atlas encourages young adults to seek reconciliation, stating,
“What I have found is that most of these families need repair, not permanent rupture. How else can one learn how to negotiate needs, to create boundaries and to trust? How else can we love others, and ourselves, if not through accepting the limitations that come with being human? Good relationships are the result not of a perfect level of attunement but rather of successful adjustments.“[6]
What these secular therapists are saying simply reflects biblical truth. Rather than severing relationships, God’s heart is for people to restore relationships. After all, He did a lot of work to seek reconciliation with us (2 Corinthians 5:18–21). It is then our responsibility to do the hard work of reconciliation with the families He has placed us in.
We may never see a certain situation the same way as a fellow family member. Our parents (or other family members) may not agree with every decision we make. We may not agree with every choice or action they make.
Our political views may diverge. We may form different convictions regarding church or personal standards. But we do not have to cancel each other over those things. We can adjust our expectations and give each other grace. We can maintain loving connections despite our differences.
All families have conflict because all people have a sin nature. We act in selfish ways. Our insecurities sometimes color our perception of something a family member says or does. We snap at each other in ways we would not with people outside our home. We know each other’s strengths and flaws to an extent that no one else does. Yet these are the people we should love and defend the most.
We cannot claim that we love people as Christ does if we are not loving the people within our own family. That does not mean that we overlook hurts and issues. It means that we discuss conflicts in a respectful way. When issues arise, we take time to pray and think about the root issues of our hurt. We communicate in an open, humble, and loving manner. We practice forgiveness and seek forgiveness for ourselves.
GRACE TO OBTAIN THE BLESSING
I want to plead with you. Please. Please. Please. Do not cut yourself off from loving, flawed family members without extensive efforts to improve the relationship. If there are boundaries that need to be set in a relationship, lovingly discuss those boundaries. Get counsel from someone wise and godly who will coach you in navigating the conflict well. But do not hurt your family by severing relationships unnecessarily. I have witnessed this happening to friends, and their grief is so very deep.
Again, there are extreme cases involving abuse and abandonment in which some cannot establish a healthy relationship with family members. But the trend to sever relationships over issues that can be resolved is alarming.
Paul gives this instruction to children:
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” –Ephesians 6:1–3 (KJV)
Paul does not say, “Obey your parents because they are always right.” He says that obeying them is the right thing to do before the Lord.
We do not have to hold our parents (or other family members) accountable for their failings—God does that. If a family member hurts us or fails us, we need to take it to the Lord and put it into His hands. He will deal with it. If we try to take on that burden, we will only harm ourselves.
Of course, the parent-child dynamic changes as we grow up and live on our own or form our own families. We will start making our own decisions. But that does not mean we stop honoring and respecting the parents God gave us. Did you know that there is one commandment that God attaches a special blessing to? It is the fifth commandment:
“Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” –Exodus 20:12
God says that if we want a long life on this earth, we should honor our parents. Let us honor them by loving them, listening to their advice, including them in our lives, and working through conflicts that arise. According to God’s Word, that will lead to a happier, longer life.
PURSUING FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIPS
Estrangement is an increasing issue—even among Christians. However, this may not be something you are concerned about personally. You may have healthy relationships with your immediate family, even if there is an existing estrangement with a distant family member.
My encouragement to you is to continue investing in your familial relationships. Make phone calls or video calls to your parents and siblings. Make time for get-togethers or heart-to-heart talks despite your busy schedule. Take the nieces and nephews on random outings for ice cream or play dates. Volunteer to make a meal for your sister who is busy with three young children, have dinner with the family, and help with clean up. Do what you can to be involved in your family member’s lives.
Sometimes a natural distancing happens over time. The dynamics may shift as siblings marry. Some family members move to different areas of the country.
Relationships need continuous renavigation. But renavigate it. Do not give up. You need them. They need you. God set you in a particular family for a reason. Engage with purpose and determination. Discover the joy and purpose God has for you and your family along the way.
Hope for Reconciliation
For those who experienced pain this Resurrection Sunday because of estrangement, know that someone prayed for you.
May the God of peace be with you. May He comfort your heart today and every day. May you never lose hope for reconciliation.
Because that is what Resurrection Sunday is all about.
“And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.” –2 Corinthians 5:18–19 (KJV)
Copyright by Carmen Dillon © 2026. All rights reserved.
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[1]. Karl Pillemer, Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them (New York: Penguin Random House, 2020), 24.
[2]. Pillemer, Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them, 24.
[3]. Pillemer, Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them, 25.
[4]. Galit Atlas, “1 in 4 Adults Are Estranged from a Family Member and Paying a Psychological Price,” Los Angeles Times, 2021, https://www.latimes.com/opinion/story/2021-11-28/1-in-4-adults-is-estranged-from-family-and-paying-a-psychological-price.
[5]. Avrum Weiss, “Unpacking the Epidemic of Parental Estrangement,” Psychology Today, 2024, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/from-fear-to-intimacy/202405/unpacking-the-epidemic-of-parental-estrangement?msockid=3feaae03beff652939f1bdbfbf9064af.
[6]. Galit Atlas, “1 in 4 Adults Are Estranged from a Family Member and Paying a Psychological Price.”
An important post about a tragic situation. Families are so important. We need to protect them, if possible – and always implore God’s grace over those who are estranged. Thanks for sharing this post.
Very true. Thanks!