Today, I turn thirty-five, and I have been dreading it.
While sifting through my negative feelings about this birthday a few days ago, my mom and sister recognized the culprit—my perfectionist tendencies.
Perfectionism has always been my personal demon. And at thirty-five, perfectionism screams that I should have accomplished so much more:
- Marriage
- Children
- Maybe a Ph. D.
- A bigger savings account
- A retirement plan
- Multiple published books
- More book sales
- A podcast
- A bigger platform
While writing that list for you, even I have to chuckle and roll my eyes. But there have been a lot of big dreams over the years. Some likely will not happen—I have let go of the Ph.D. dream. (Too many other things to invest energy and time into.) Others are on God’s timetable—not mine. (Book #2 has taken two years to draft. It is just now ready for beta readers and editing.) Other dreams are completely in God’s hands—I do not know for sure what the future holds. Those are the scariest dreams to contemplate.
Each day, I feel I should have done more, been more—all while having a sweet, peaceful spirit. Each day, I fall short. Crossing the threshold of age thirty-five magnifies that for me. God must be disappointed in me—I sure am.
Then, my sister asked me, “Do you expect your students to be perfect? Or are you pleased when they just try?”
Immediately, tears came to my eyes at the visual of God’s expectations.
The Value of Trying
I do not expect my students to be perfect or to get perfect grades. Teachers know their students. They see the struggling students who cannot achieve high grades but pay attention in class and painstakingly, consistently do their work. They see the talented students who put full effort into their work, writing detailed responses to prompts, following directions to the letter, and asking clarifying questions. Teachers are pleased by both—they are pleased by students who try.
Sometimes, a diligent student experiences some form of failure—a poor grade, a forgotten homework assignment, or a rushed project that was not their best work. After class, they hang back until other students flee my classroom so that they can apologize, explain, promise to get an assignment in, or ask for a way to make up the grade.
In their minds, their failure is so big, and they want to please me, their parents, and themselves. My students’ anxieties often make me a little uncomfortable. With a smile and a small laugh, I often say, “You’ll be all right. There are a lot of grades in this class.” It is what it is. Life happens. No one is the perfect student. I’m not judging a student’s character by one or two forgotten assignments.
It seems I believe God to be more judgmental than I am. But that is not an accurate view of God. David says,
“Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who health all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies. . . . The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.” –Psalm 103:1–4, 8 (KJV)
The Easy of Pleasing
Later that day, my family watched Sight and Sound’s movie production A Great Awakening. The movie portrayed the spiritual, moral, and political awakening of the American colonies through the eyes of Benjamin Franklin and George Whitefield.
One scene in particular pierced me. After accepting Christ as Savior, George Whitefield determined to crucify his flesh and please his heavenly Father. He locked himself up in a room without food, a bath, or the use of an outhouse for nearly one month, trying to purify himself so that he would be pleasing to God. College friend John Wesley finally intervened despite Whitefield’s anger. In the movie, he asked Whitefield, “When Jesus was baptized, what did the Father say?”
After a quiet moment, Whitefield replied, “This is my beloved Son.”
Wesley prods, “What else?”
Begrudgingly, Whitefield quotes, “In whom I am well-pleased.”
Wesley then pointed out that Jesus had not done a single miracle. He had not yet died on the cross. Yet God was pleased with Jesus because He was His beloved Son. Would Whitefield accept that God the Father was pleased with Whitefield simply because he was His son?
In the next scene, Wesley baptizes Whitefield, saying as he brings Whitefield out of the water, “This is George Whitefield, in whom God is well-pleased.”
The scene resonated with me because, once again, God was prompting me to lay aside my perfectionism. To recognize that His pleasure is not dependent on my performance. To accept His acceptance. To let Him work out the details and timeline of my life. To stop striving and be content with trying. To do my best each day—and each year—without beating myself up.
The Opportunity
So I guess, for me, turning thirty-five is offering a turning point. It is an opportunity to live each day with an attitude of trust. With a heart of humility. With eyes lifted to God instead of focused on myself and my meager accomplishments. With confidence instead of fear.
As each of us walks the path God has for us today, next year, and ten years ahead, may we remember to walk it with faith and trust, knowing,
“For thou, LORD, wilt bless the righteous; with favour wilt thou compass him as with a shield.” –Psalm 5:12 (KJV)
“Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” –Psalm 16:11 (KJV)
Copyright © 2026 by Carmen Dillon. All rights reserved.
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Check out my imperfect, but heartfelt book for all women Opening the Hope Chest: A Single Girl’s Guide to Homemaking. If you have read the book, a great birthday present for me would be leaving an honest review on Amazon. This helps get biblical insights and practical tips about homemaking out to more people.
Ah….the perils of perfectionism…which lead to self-sabotage. I’m glad you’re aware of it and finding more grace. And happy birthday!
Thank you!