Strong Christians do not feel lonely.
That thought that has troubled me this last year. When someone asks how I am doing, I want to readily and joyfully say I am content and happy—especially in relation to singleness. But sometimes it is just hard. Recently, I have come to believe that this hard I struggle with often comes down to the struggle with loneliness. That makes me think something is spiritually wrong with me. Somehow, I am not connecting to God well enough to banish loneliness.
Yet, as I have pondered and studied out this issue of loneliness, I am finding that God may not want to banish my loneliness—instead, He may have a purpose for it.
The Universality of Loneliness
In a survey of 3,000 women aged 25–65, Everyday Health found that 41% of single women are more afraid of loneliness than a cancer diagnosis.[1]
According to the American Psychological Association, loneliness is “affective and cognitive discomfort or uneasiness from being or perceiving oneself to be alone or otherwise solitary.”[2] But we do not need a dictionary definition to know the feeling of loneliness. It is that feeling of disconnectedness. That empty ache. That itching to connect with someone. That feeling that makes us cry, scroll social media, call someone, or go sit in a restaurant just to be around people.
Even in the perfect Garden of Eden, loneliness was possible. After creating Adam, God observed,
“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” –Genesis 2:18
God recognized that although He was very much present with Adam, Adam needed human companionship. Even animals were not enough to provide the fellowship and connection Adam needed. So God created Eve and united the two in marriage. Then, He commanded them to have children and fill the earth with people.
Isn’t Marriage the Answer?
On the surface, it appears that the solution to loneliness is marriage. But marriage, in and of itself, does not solve loneliness. According to a 2018 national study conducted by AARP of adults over forty-five, 31% of married people identified as lonely.[3] According to psychosocial rehabilitation specialist Kendra Cherry, “It is 100% possible to be married and still lonely.”[4] Although it is possible for a healthy marriage to help decrease feelings of loneliness, marriage does not guarantee to banish loneliness.
Loneliness in the Bible
Hannah, the mother of the prophet Samuel, experienced loneliness. She had a husband who loved her, yet she felt isolated in her great sorrow over not having a child. Hannah was so grieved that she could not even eat at the yearly feast her family attended at the Tabernacle. Her husband, in desperation, said,
“Why is thy heart grieved? am I not better to thee than ten sons?” –1 Samuel 1:8
Essentially, Hannah’s husband asked, “Am I not enough for you?” And the truth was—he was not. As kind as he was to Hannah and as much as he loved her, he could not be everything to her. So she left the feast to pray alone. The Bible says,
“She was in bitterness of soul, and prayed unto the LORD, and wept sore.” –1 Samuel 1:10
It was there, in her loneliness and distress, that she cried unto the Lord, and He met her. In a miraculous turn of events, God gave Hannah a son who would become one of the greatest prophets of Israel. The Lord used her moment of great anguish and loneliness to bring about His plan for Israel’s revival.
Grace for the Lonely
The first step in handling loneliness is realizing that loneliness is a universal experience. We are not defective Christians for feeling lonely at times. We do not need to feel guilty that Jesus “isn’t enough.” God wanted the earth to be filled with people and communities, and He wants us to connect with others.
In upcoming blog posts, we will explore practical ways to combat loneliness. But for now, know that you are not alone in your experience of loneliness. No certain relationship status or set of circumstances will forever free you from loneliness. That reality can be scary. But it can also be empowering. Instead of feeling trapped, we can step outside our comfort zones and explore unique ways to connect with others.
Jesus is certainly “enough.” He can be our dearest friend and comforter. Yet He also designed us with the capacity to be lonely even when we have wonderful fellowship with Him. Why is that? Perhaps it is because He wants to push us to develop relationships with others. Perhaps He wants to accomplish something in us and through us, and we need to interact with people to do that.
This week, take some time to pray and ask God what He wants you to do about that lonely ache. Whom does He want you to reach out to? Which relationship should you invest a little more time and energy into? How can God use this ordinary experience of loneliness to accomplish the extraordinary?
Like Hannah, God can take our experience of loneliness and use it to work out His plan for His kingdom. Remember,
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” –Romans 8:28
When we choose to trust God in our loneliness, we find Him to be faithful. Although it is painful in the moment, joy is ahead of us. May we say with Hannah,
“There is none holy as the LORD: for there is none beside thee: neither is there any rock like our God.” –1 Samuel 2:2
Copyright © 2025 by Carmen Dillon. All rights reserved.
Looking for an encouraging summer read or women’s study for the fall? Check out my book Opening the Hope Chest. Discussion questions and suggested Bible passages to study are included with each chapter.
[1]. Everyday Health, “Special Report: State of Women’s Wellness 2017,” 2017, https://images.agoramedia.com/everydayhealth/gcms/Everyday-Health-State-of-Womens-Wellness-Survey-PDF.pdf
[2]. APA Dictionary of Psychology, s.v. “loneliness,” https://dictionary.apa.org/loneliness.
[3]. AARP Foundation, “Loneliness and Social Connections: A National Survey of Adults 45 and Older,” 2018, https://www.aarp.org/content/dam/aarp/research/surveys_statistics/life-leisure/2018/loneliness-social-connections-2018.doi.10.26419-2Fres.00246.001.pdf.
[4]. Kendra Cherry, “What to Do If You’re Married but Lonely: Feeling Isolated Even When You’re Together,” VeryWell Mind, 2025, https://www.verywellmind.com/what-to-do-if-youre-married-but-lonely-5207913.
Such an important topic! Thanks for presenting it in such an engaging and thought-provoking manner.
Thank you!